Fat lip

I keep saying stuff. 

I'll be relating in the course of conversation and share something that stems from my personal history of being choked out on thanksgiving or my brother running away or being poor or living in a condemned building or a number of messed up things that are uncomfortable in conversation 

and then I'll make a joke about kissing or something innocuous  and that's where people are like "Oh my stars, oh golly, oh no thats so out of pocket" and I'll be standing on the outside of it feeling judged, and I know that I'm probably most definitely feeling sensitive about it on account of therapy throwing explosives into the stillness of my emotional waters... 

But I just feel that distance between where I'm from and where all you are from.

I think about the worlds we know. The evils we've overcome and the things that try to destroy us.  I wouldn't fully know how to unmake myself to fit in the places I'd hope to be, to belong. It's made me strong, how many times I've been destroyed over and over again. I've grown from each thing I've overcome. Yet, I understand that there are ways of a grown man of which I see that not all see.  

 I am aware of how much space I fill in a room, and I try to be smaller out of love to give space and freedom for those to express themselves. 

These confessions are laced with opportunities for the love those of God may bring.  

I look outside myself  and see you say I'm welcome here... 
But if I am here, I will break your illusions 

I don't mean to be a loaded gun in the sandbox. Just some fat lip spilling blood while the kids play.